I try to be a nice person and I would hope that people who know me would describe me as nice. I don’t think it is because I am nice by default but because I actually work at being nice. I’m like everyone else; I’m quite egocentric and want things to go smoothly and be easy for me, so being nice takes some effort. Last night, someone asked me to fill in for something and I had to decline but I got the feeling that in her eyes my niceness quotient took a big drop. Why is saying no so bad?
Yesterday, I was reading a post on “How To Say ‘No’” over at to-done.com and one of Keith’s points really hit home with me:
Avoid a culture of consensus. Often we agree with things to make (or keep) people happy and on our side. Unfortunately this isn’t always beneficial. I’ve seen many projects (both at Boeing and Seattle Children’s) stall mightily because there was to much effort put into making everyone and their mom happy. A few well placed no’s can help keep things moving forward.
I agree that the culture of consensus puts a lot of projects at risk. I think people have a negative view of a decision if it wasn’t reach democratically, as if weighing the input of all involved always means the decision is of higher quality or will be better received and implemented. That criterion isn’t right — sometimes “all of us” is not smarter than “one or two of us.”
For my part, I’m starting to say no more and more not because I want to be contrary but because “no” is often my honest answer. We have a double standard in that we say we don’t like a “yes man” but on the other hand, we don’t like it when someone actually says no to us. I only hope that people will eventually see the value in my being upfront and not wasting a lot of time pussyfooting around a commitment, wasting everybody’s time, increasing the ambient stress. If I say no, please try not to lay the social or political guilt trip on me. I sincerely believe that saying no in kind honesty is one of the most courteous things someone can do, and really, I’m just trying to be nice.
Ah, you have made it. Reading one of Keith’s sites!
Check out http://www.7nights.com/asterisk/ that is his main site, good stuff.
You might want to check out http://wikipes.com/
Of course I won’t ever see you again if you start posting recipes on that site…
Yeah, Keith has a number of great sites. He just started Successful Blog which will be great for newbies like me.
Wikipes is cool. Of course Randy says I need more recipes like I need a whole in the head but, you’re right, perhaps I can contribute some original work to the recipe-needy.