Randy has been called to be the worship minister at another church and so we are moving to Virginia in a few weeks. Depending on how I count, this is approximately move #9 since we’ve been married and #22 for my lifetime count. Several of these moves have been “local” moves, but one still has to pack up everything and move it to someplace else. We’re really excited, but we’re also faced with the daunting task of packing all of our possessions.
My favorite TV show right now is “The Life Laundry” on BBC America and it’s one of those decluttering makeover shows that seem to be en vogue. What sets this show apart for me is that Dawna Walter on “The Life Laundry” tries to address the reasons that people live with clutter and help them see the emotional reasons behind the piles of stuff. It’s much less about the makeover than the process of releasing the past. There are many reasons people hang on to stuff. Oftentimes the subjects have experienced a change in their lives like a death in the family or a change in job and never deal with the stuff associated with these changes. The feeling of guilt about the items often plays a part in not being able to part with them: stacks of undone projects, the amount of money paid for things, gifts that were received but not liked. Reasons for hoarding vary.
What has been an epiphany for me is the realization that I don’t need cool things to prove how cool I am. Having moved so much all my life, it’s as if I’ve put a lot of stock in the things that I own to be an outward manifestation of myself. My stuff helped me to prove my identity. Having a few things that reflect one’s interest is fine, but after watching a bzillion episodes of “The Life Laundry,” I began to realize that I was using many of my things as some sort of badges to prove how interesting and eclectic I am.
This hit home for me when there was an episode about a woman who was a very successful professional but then was diagnosed with MS and had to give up her business. She had closets and rooms full of old stock of her products, professional clothes, industry journals, etc. that she’d kept for years. Part of her unspoken reluctance to get rid of this stuff was that without it, she had nothing to prove that she was once a successful businesswoman. If she gave up this junk it was as if she was giving up her past accomplishments and thus part of her identity.
For me, some of the problem items have been my growing collection of movie memorabilia and my “skinny clothes.” I still love movies but I don’t need lots of toys sitting around taking up valuable space. I’ll still keep the pieces that mean the most to me but a lot of it will end up on eBay. I’ve paired down my “skinny clothes” to just a handful of items. (I admit that I still can’t part with the plaid, cuffed shorts from my preppy days in the 80s and an old pair of Levi’s from high school.) It dawned on me that the rest of those clothes were dated, didn’t adhere to the “What Not to Wear” rules (the original BBC version of the show, of course) and when I do lose more weight, I’ll want new clothes anyhow. It seems so simple on one hand, but I’ve heard some of these ideas for years and making that emotional change, that paradigm shift, has been much harder than I ever thought it would be. I think I was afraid that if I threw away stuff, I had to throw away everything, sort of an all-or-nothing approach.
We’re working our way towards a garage sale and listing more collectible items on eBay. Saying goodbye to these items won’t be hard now. Hopefully as time goes on, the feeling that my things define me will diminish and the peace that comes with having less things to tend will flourish. It’s a new chapter in our life and by unloading some of our unwanted or unloved things, I believe I’m making room for all sorts of new adventures.