I read somewhere once that siblings are the lenses through which we see our childhood. I’m not sure if I completely agree with that as it seems my siblings and I had completely different upbringings although the same parents. Still, it is true that there is no one else in the world in my generation that has known me so long and so intimately. You’d think friendship between siblings would be a given, but for me that has not always been the case.
My sister and brother are older than I am, seven years and five and a half respectively, as I was the “bonus” baby, the “oops” that came along when my parents thought their family was already complete. Being the youngest has definitely had its advantages as my parents were more financially stable and my father was present for most of my childhood (he was in the Coast Guard and was often away while my siblings were young). There was a drawback in having more than a couple of year’s difference in age from my sister and brother though including the fact that I couldn’t relate to them on many levels, especially my sister.
Raquel was already in high school before I had even finished elementary school. When she was in college, she was generous in taking me to nice restaurants and teaching me the ropes of how to use a napkin and how to interact with wait staff. I accompanied her to plays (although I think I slept through many of them) and always tagged along whenever I could. Still, I was too young to really know her.
Many years later, as an adult I was fortunate enough to get the opportunity to get to know Raquel again. Randy & I moved to the East Bay area in northern California, only thirty minutes from my sister and her family. I was in my late 20s and finally getting a clue about life. Raquel was no longer just my revered older sister — over the years she became my friend who happened to be my sister. We were lucky to have a year and a half together there. A couple of years ago, Raquel and I went to Seattle to surprise our brother for his 40th birthday. We got to spend several days together without our spouses and kids. Although I thought I had a handle on who she was, Raquel surprised me. She was far cooler, funnier, stronger and more understanding than I’d ever realized. Although she had won my friendship, I’d never let her escape the picture I had made of her when I was growing up. I’d acknowledged that I had changed over the years but hadn’t given her that same treatment. She is changing and growing just like the rest of us.
It turns out Raquel is not only a lens through which I see my childhood, she is a mirror of my self, another version of me, the life I could have lived. I used to balk at people who said how much alike we looked, how obvious it was we were siblings but now I take it as a compliment to be aligned and identified with her. Perhaps we were kindred spirits all along. I just had to put away my lenses from childhood to see her for who she is now.