On Sunday, a friend said to me, “I can’t believe Kes will be five months old this week!” I had to stop and think about it. In my mind, Kes wasn’t anywhere near five months but my friend is right. Where has the time gone?
Motherhood is still an adjustment for me. Maybe it’ll take the rest of my life to get used to it. I don’t know. It’s a bunch of conflicting things for me. When Kes is awake, I wish she’d be tired and take a nap so I could get something done. When she’s asleep, I miss her and wish she would wake up so we could be together. I would like to sleep lasting longer than four hours at most (sometimes it’s only an hour at a time). Yet, I often stay awake after feeding Kes in the middle of the night just to hear the rhythm of her breathing.
Recently I’ve had nightmares about Kes, one where someone stole her and one where she suffered burns in a house fire. Obviously, I’m under a little stress about wanting to take good care of her. I guess that motherly instinct has kicked in after all.
We feel so blessed that God gave us Kes. She is such a miracle.